‘You don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world.. but you do have some say in who hurts you.’
And I choose her. I didn’t even think twice, I choose her. I didn’t feel the need to question my choices, I never made rational choices, I simply decided. And so she did hurt me, and I gave her every right to. I let her in, I let her run into my arms. I let her touch my lips and let her breathe onto my bare skin. I never doubted anything, I’m all in or I’m all out. I will always give love a chance, because you can not fight it. Love made me smile for a month. Love made me giggle and stare into my screen for nights. And love made me cry, love made me question my existence without her. Love made my heart heavy with everything that reminded me of her. Love made me sad for a few weeks and dreadfully nostalgic for the months afterwards. I choose love and I chose her to hurt me. She held my heart and I was totally entitled to the way she sang my name. But she let go and now I mumble soothing words before I go to sleep. I was foolish, but I was madly in love with the one I choose, with her.
Tag: writing
We tried
I had realized that you didn’t want to be with me. I had realized that we wouldn’t see each other ever away. But for you to stab me in the back like that, I didn’t realized how cruel you were. I guess you haven’t healed in any way. You made the same mistakes over and over again to push people away who tried to love you.
Existed
I had never felt something like this before. Pain had never been beautiful or poetic before, until she decided to live without me. Whenever I crossed a place where we had been I couldn’t help but stop for a minute. I stop for a minute and feel a bitter and silent pain within me. It doesn’t feel like heartbreak, it is so much more than that. It is knowing that the most beautiful woman on earth had left me, and she would never come back. It was pain knowing that I would never see her again, her beautiful existence existed without me. She had it all figured out, she was the most beautiful woman on earth.
People-people
And he was like no other, he had watermelon cheeks from the paradise written upon his skin. The worlds flowed from his lips into the room as if he was born with Gods vocabulary. He looked at me, he observed me as if I was a formula he needed to remember. When I looked back he didn’t flinch, the world was upon his feet and he’d never be bothered. He tucked his hair behind his ear with his porcelain hands. Hands who held pencils for hours to draw lines with the perfection of ice crystals. With the policy of polite placement he filled all the grooves with the black pencil he held, he held it in his porcelain hands. They were easy to break, he was easy to break, never socialize with the gracious, they will put the magenta in your eyes and their art in your heart.
Sunshine in May
People forgot how the colour yellow looked. The clouds we’re drawn into the sky with permanent marker. The rain fell down as if gravity was the only force on earth. The winter expired into a feast of cold and grey. We had no choice. We didn’t have anything to say, until the first day of sunshine in May.
16th of March
It is eight in the morning. I sit here at the dining table with fresh made cappuccino. I can hear a simple piano song playing from my computer. And at the corner of my eye the sun peeks from behind the clouds. The whole room is slowly starting to fill itself with sunlight. I can feel the warmth on the back of my black dress. I take another sip from my coffee. I can’t help but smile. It took me some time but I can finally say that I’m over you. You may live in the ruins of my dream. But when I wake up, I am going to start living for myself again.
And when somebody asks how I’m doing, I’ll answer again. You decided we could better be on our own and I can see that now. We have learned and we have lost, but I don’t need you anymore. You didn’t need me anymore.
I don’t know if you still read my blog, but I’m doing fine.
I was told – pt 2
We all know the empty space left in our beds feels like a black hole. But maybe there are galaxies on the other side, and maybe you will find peace with the fact that she left if you roll over. What if she wanted you to have more space to be free and to expand your dreamworld. If anything she never wanted you to feel like this. You were good enough and you deserve to be happy. Stop beating yourself up for all the little things that you might have done wrong, or all the words that you never said to her. You cant blame yourself for her decision, even when she admits to be wrong. I was told to never chase a girl, so you should let her run. Try to accept that she will not come back to you, and no nothing will ever be the same. And frozen days will be harsh without her presence in the cold wintermornings, and even this spring you’ll realize that you are still a bit lost. But time will pass and lonely mornings will end and this summer you will learn to be free again. I was told to always fight for love. Dont fight for a runner, fight for keeper. Fight for loving yourself again.
The overthinking 