I think I found the right words.

It was storming outside when our summer love came to an end. I remember that he didn’t knew how to feel, anger and sadness we’re mixed like the coffee and cream in my cappuccino. I cradled my knees against my chest and watched the storm pass by. I broke a heart and so it hurt mine. I made mistakes, took a lot of wrong turns and got lost.

Soon I found my way out
I found myself
and I did it on my own

I learned how to be on my own. How to fight strong and recover. There wasn’t much I needed in life, I grew up to be independent. To know what is right and what is wrong. I moved along, I walked on my own. I walked and I walked and then I .. I stood still to look at you.

How it feels to do it all over again;

I squinted my eyes against the bright sunlight from behind the trees. People we’re chatting left and right, I could only pay attention to the person climbing on top of a picknick table to greet us. I have no idea what she was telling us. I was blinded by her and she way she moved and talk. I wanted to hear her talk all day long. I knew I like her noise above all the other noise. She stood there watching us but she didn’t notice me. I felt the heat and my heart burn. I had to spend more time with her, I wanted to be all for her.

I greeted her multiple times when we crossed in the hallways. My heart would skip a beat. I wasn’t really in love, but I wanted to know so much more about the mystery in her eyes. I guess I wasn’t the only one. She was adored by many and had someone else by her side. I let them walk. I wanted them to.

I started walking again.

I started walking until we collided into each other and we we’re spinning circles around each other for the entire night. She held on to my hands and I clutched onto her arms. I wasn’t letting go now. I wasn’t going to walk away that easy this time. I saw stars in her eyes and I wanted to know where they came from.

She was magical. We watched the sun rise and fall into the horizon again. We never let go of each other since that first night. We looked at each other until we slowly started talking. I whispered to you that night – I think I might like you. And she smiled. She knew that her heart was pounding to. I became unbearable. We felt as if this was all we had been waiting for. As if our worlds were meant to collide.

We had sparks and butterflies and endless laughter. I had fears and worries but they faded when she held me close each night. I can never get used to waking up next to her every morning. I am priviledged to be in a dreamworld when I’m wide awake. One look and a kiss and I’m the happiest you’ll ever see me. Our best selves intertwined like mixed flowers in spring. Inspire, aspire, nourish and grow. Talk, laugh, scream and smile. Hug, kiss and love.

How it felt to do it all over again; I felt love pulsing through my body and it was all I ever needed. It felt real. I was blown away and back to the shore.

I’m in love, madly in love with her. I think I found the right words.

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happy birthday

And I hope I get to be there
when you finish another year
and I hope I get to be there
if you make it one more

And I pray to the clouds
for rainy days in the summer
and I pray to the clouds
cause you like them best

Let me guide you over the peaks
of your dark and lowest days
and let me guide you over the peaks
that you find hard to climb

Let me wish for more wishes
cause we took some for granted
and let me wish for more wishes
cause they belong in our daydream

And I wish and I guide
and I hope
that we can be
everything
for many years
to come

;

– ‘I take care of myself’

I threw a beer can next to the bin, I couldn’t stand up to go and get it. I locked my phone before he would reply. It would take at least an hour. I tried to get the knots out of my hair. I showered but didn’t wash it, I just let my skin burn.

He let me smoke his cigarettes until we both quit. Then the only thing we really did was have sex. He let me sleep over but I was gone by first daylight. We talked sometimes but I still don’t know his last name. He must have told, I must have forgotten it. I must not have cared enough.

I threw a beer can next to the bin, I couldn’t stand up to go and get it. My hand was still red from crushing the can, the color of love. I always loved the color grey, it wasn’t black nor white. It didn’t really matter, I didn’t really matter. I wasn’t special, I wasn’t extraordinary, I wasn’t ready to choose a side.

– ‘I am better off alone’

Expect

I never expected any of this. I remember getting exited when you replied to my first text. I remember how I smiled when you liked my pictures. I remember how I didn’t get my hopes up because I knew this would fade. This would all be phase and I’d forget about you.

You thought otherwise.

You reached for me in the middle of a crisis, I dragged you out of there. I gave you a new number to take your boredom out on and a new pair of hips to hold. I just wanted to be with you for a while, to own the experience. I never expected you to stick around. 

You though otherwise.

You invited youself over to lay in my arms and listen to my stories. Your presence was better then I ever expected, I felt safe. We spent day after day going over our past, our flaws, our faults, our dreams. I never thought we would plan trips for the future.

You though otherwise.

So we spent more time together and I didn’t expect to fall so hard for you. I never expected for us to have so much in common. For us to be dating and being out there for the world to see. I never expected for you to come back to me time after time. For you to take the risk and open up. I never expected us to fall in love, but we speak of nothing but butterflies. 

It was so unexpected but it feels so fucking good

the least I could say pt 3

I believe in us. I believe in our opportunity to become something beautiful. The kind of love in which you complete each other, to acknowledge our ideas and to neglect our arguments, we didn’t have any. I found a soulmate in you. I found someone who will come back to me, if it will be in a minute or a year. I trust you, I know that you’ll always feel home with me. Heart to heart, hand to hand. We make perfect sense. I feel like I can be me with or without you.