– not wanting to leave

Perhaps we were both trying to escape, hoping to find change on the other side. This new city gave us the courage to we start again, to make new friends. Flaunting our way through the streets that soon felt so familiar. We became regulars in a bar with amazing views and stayed up dancing till late, walking home in the glistening moonlight.

We had nothing to lose, no expectations to live up to, no more doubts or fears for the days that laid ahead. If carelessness had a color it’d be the blue skies above us, always present, always welcoming.

The city fitted so peacefully into the palm of our hands, we didn’t have to reach for it, we didn’t have to try. She made us feel comfortable. I’d never felt that easy for us to be happy, therefore I’m keeping my hands closed, not wanting to let her go, not wanting to leave.

– and I realize that I am healing

I got my hopes up – and you let me down. So I’m blaming myself for doing it again, for allowing myself to get hurt again. I’ve taught myself how to protect me, how not to love. To keep a distance that felt safe.

But I got my hopes up again – and I’m realize that I am healing. That I’m allowing myself to feel again, to connect, to experience. And I’m hurt, but I’m proud. I’m one step closer to living a fuller life again, to where my safety stretches beyond the walls of my bedroom.


Cause I’ve been meaning to decide what I wanted to do – how my brightest future would look like. Instead of choosing, I found the courage not to. Time no longer chases me around, but lends me a hand.

Home is a shapeshifter – I mustn’t be afraid to leave again. A list of possibilities laid hidden in the bottom drawer. I flatten it with my hand, make my dreams feel welcome again.

Persuade me to go and I’ll come with.


en dan komt alles dichterbij. zie de uitdagingen in de verte. bijna tijd om te gaan. wil ik nog een laatste keer vieren wat zo vertrouwd heeft gevoeld. laad ik mij op aan de liefde om mij heen.

en dan kom jij dichterbij. net als ik besluit om te gaan. delen we onverwachts nog veel momenten. vinden we elkaar in de nacht. hoop ik zo dat dit niet zal vervagen.

en dan komt dichterbij – vergeef ik mezelf voor de dagen dat ik bang was. om verder te gaan, om dichterbij te komen.