the least I could say pt 3

I believe in us. I believe in our opportunity to become something beautiful. The kind of love in which you complete each other, to acknowledge our ideas and to neglect our arguments, we didn’t have any. I found a soulmate in you. I found someone who will come back to me, if it will be in a minute or a year. I trust you, I know that you’ll always feel home with me. Heart to heart, hand to hand. We make perfect sense. I feel like I can be me with or without you.


the least I could say pt 2

I’m still a bit lost on words. I don’t quite know how to describe you without doing you wrong. I still have some bad days, some darker moments. You still hold me when I’m at war with myself, you don’t try to fight it. You let me be, in silence. I think that letting each other be, is our strongest connection. Allowing someone to watch you at your weakest without handing them the power to fix you. Having faith in each others strength and having trust in letting our weakness shine trough. I adore you so much. I adore you when you’re strong, confident, when you speak with enthusiasm your eyes light up. You get comfortable so quick and you’re easy to like, I don’t blame them. I adore you when you’re at your weakest, you get surprised by your own feelings as you try to figure them out. I know you’re trying and stumbling but you’ve opened the gates to me, that’s all I could ask for. I adore you in the way you adore me. Because that’s what you do, you find good in anything. Your heart is so big and you let me hear it beat. You let me in. I adore you for that.


I’m going to sleep now, talk to you later – and before I could lock my phone your name popped up again. One missed call. Two missed calls. A message. The third time I picked up and she didn’t have much to say anymore. She cried for my help, ‘how do I open up to you, I want to be worth it’. Not realizing she already was, I wasn’t the one who’s voice was breaking from despair. So I listened to her explaining everything, how her brains works and why her hands shake. I listened and told her everything she already knew, but needed to hear again. I heard her laugh again and fell asleep on the phone, her silence accompanied by mine. 

hush, we all break sometimes

‘being young’

I always thought that ‘being young’ meant selling your own body and drinking wine from the bottle, that appeared to be a fraud. I’d put on my best shirt so that I would be ‘wanted’ and drove home in the middle of the night, those are the memories I had of ‘being reckless’

I was wrong.

The day has passed and I sit here, writing at my desk. My entire body is tired and my eyes can’t really stand the light. I am rich, fulfilled, in possession of more beautiful memories. I realize that ‘being young’ means spending your youth with people your age, people who laugh at the same jokes and who share the same dreams. It is not that we dislike our parents, but we have better things to do then sit at home. Explore. Climb fences. Walk home at night. See another club. Dance a little different. Talk to strangers. Embrace chaos. Admire your friends. Be generous. Share a drink. Love a little more. Point at the stars.

Be young.

Why does it ache.

You remind me of everything I once had. A boy at my side with the best smile, who had loads of charisma and character. Somebody with goals and dreams and desires and a willpower to reach them. That was you. That was him. That was the boy that once belonged to my side. 

It scares me to think I’ll never get the chance to take that spot. Coincidence made us cross paths but we’re not going parallel. We’re to young not to choose our own paths. Your world is drifting from mine and I don’t want to lose you out of sight. 

It is not that I love you, but I could. I have so much love to give. We could make it in a different world at a different time. For now I get to see you smile and that is enough. I’m gratefull for the time we spent together, learning, growing, laughing and loving. 

It is not that I love you, but I could