Tag: gedicht

28th of July

JosephineLeave a comment

​ It rained. It rained the entire day and the entire evening. I’ve spent the last two weeks fighting against the warmth outside, it had been sunny the whole time. 

I’m sitting on the front porch listening how the rain pours and how the sky trembles. I’m baring my knees against the cold and my heart beats slow. There isn’t anybody out on the streets tonight, the light are dimmed. I’ve been waiting for this moment. To sit on the front porch and to be silent. I’m processing the grief of this day and how I still haven’t forgotten about her. At this point I don’t believe I ever will. The thought about her still makes me sad and still makes me want to cry. But I didn’t cry and I wasn’t sad. I sat listening to the rain in ease, in silence. She chose not to be here. It hurts, but just a little. It hurts until it doesn’t. 

It rained. 

Proud.

JosephineLeave a comment

I made it. I didn’t think I would. Nobody was sure that I would make it.

It was dark outside but there weren’t much lights burning inside as well. The day had passed and everybody popped their champange and ate their celebration dinners. And then there was only me left with mixed emotions. I had cried happy tears when I heard the news, that I graduated against all expectations. I was relieved and overwhelmed that everything I didn’t dare to dream of became reality. The one thing I fought for beyond all of my breaking points. All the unfortunate events and disadvantages lead up this very point where I had to make it right. I had to do it, not only for myself but for my family. For my dear grandfather who believed I could achieve everything I ever wanted. For my dear grandfather who was applauding and back petting when necessary. All I ever wanted was to make him proud.

I made it. I didn’t think I would. Nobody was sure that I would make it. He did. He always kept faith in me.

after all pt 2

JosephineLeave a comment

I’d like to kindly thank you for being there for me when I needed somebody. I needed someone to talk to, no-one in particular. I’d want to thank you for all the times you’d make me laugh, but I’m easy to please, I have a bad sense of humor. I’d like to thank you for convincing me that love still exists, but I secretly knew that all along. I’d like to thank you for showing me bits of the world that I don’t know off, but they were cliché, and nothing extraordinary. I’d like to thank you for sharing your silent secrets, I’ll keep them with the others. I’d like to thank you, but it’s time for me to go. This wasn’t what I was looking for, after all.

Calm

JosephineLeave a comment

‘Take it easy little girl, wipe your tears away’
‘Take it slowly, don’t pressure yourself that much’
‘I think you should do that tomorrow, it will be a brand new day’
‘You there, don’t be so upset and stop blaming yourself for everything’
‘Don’t worry, I’ll come and pick you up’
‘Just stay calm okay’

There might be a thousand ways to love you. But the way that you held my hand whilst walking down the street, that is how I loved you. You were fucking there for me and you were tender as cherrytrees. You were wise and I adored you for being smart and thoughtful. I loved the way that you caressed my golden hair and stroked your hand upon my cheek. I thought that you would make me a better person.

You always told me to stay calm, and so I did. I patiently waited for you to come home, but it’s taking you so long. I waited for you to return my letters and I ended up blaming the mailman. I waited for you to explain to me what was happening and you left me in great confusion. I waited on you, like the calm before the storm. I waited for you to come pick me up, but you never came.

I waited for you to come pick me up, but you never came. I stayed calm, you taught me that. I stayed calm, serene, silent, dying actually, waiting for you to come pick me up.

 

about him;

JosephineLeave a comment

And he said it had always felt like more then friendship. He said that he had loved me from the moment we met. That night he drank until his legs couldn’t carry his heavy heart anymore. I got dragged out of his sight, and I cried. I cried because I knew how it must have felt. I cried because I know that I couldn’t force myself to love him back. Love can’t be forced. Love doesn’t listen.