I made it. I didn’t think I would. Nobody was sure that I would make it.

It was dark outside but there weren’t much lights burning inside as well. The day had passed and everybody popped their champange and ate their celebration dinners. And then there was only me left with mixed emotions. I had cried happy tears when I heard the news, that I graduated against all expectations. I was relieved and overwhelmed that everything I didn’t dare to dream of became reality. The one thing I fought for beyond all of my breaking points. All the unfortunate events and disadvantages lead up this very point where I had to make it right. I had to do it, not only for myself but for my family. For my dear grandfather who believed I could achieve everything I ever wanted. For my dear grandfather who was applauding and back petting when necessary. All I ever wanted was to make him proud.

I made it. I didn’t think I would. Nobody was sure that I would make it. He did. He always kept faith in me.


10 things I should remember

I stopped being sad about you for various reasons. 1. It isn’t going to bring you back and I know that. 2. It only affects me, in no way it will negatively affect you. 3. You fucking left and I don’t want to miss people who leave me. If I don’t deserve their time they don’t deserve mine. 4. You fucking left. 5. You loved how spontaneous and full of life I was, and I am going to be that person again. If you see me I will be the person you fell in love with. 6. I want to be who I was before I met you. 7. Crying is only healthy to a certain degree, I don’t want to bring myself in more pain then necessary. 8. I’m starting to realize that I shouldn’t have forgiven you for all the bad things you did, things I didn’t notice because I was blinded with love. 9. You aren’t as perfect as you seemed. You are far from perfect and therefore you aren’t worth chasing. 10. I want to live for me and only me. I don’t want to live for you anymore, I am not your girl.