Everywhere I went you can spot subtile grey-faded fingerprints. The air will echo all those lines I have silently mumbled. And the night sky has absorbed and reflected all that was wondering in my mind. It’s waiting there for him to find it. It’s waiting there for him to realize he can’t just get away.
Tag: english
Some
I think I was never destined to be loved by a lot of people. Mostly it were the odd one’s out. The one’s with music in their ears and dreams in their heads. Those were the people that could cope with me and my integrity. With me and my endless amount of flaws and faults. But they were there for me, and I would always have their back.
Myself
I learned that there is nothing wrong with living for yourself. I learned that there is nothing wrong with being alone. I learned that time taught me to be strong, solid as rocks. I wake up every morning without flashbacks of my old heartbroken dreams. I dress up to feel good, and to look good in the mirror. I walk out the door without heading to past lovers or friends who got lost in the fight. I keep my head high and my vision clear. Dear god I knew we went through a lot. I know that days we’re so bad we didn’t live them. But I recovered and found my grip on life again, I formed missteps into chords and emotions into art. I know that my mind still remembers how dark the black was, and how beaten my body was. But I also know how to keep it going. How to let it flow like scraping rivers and robust red blood. How to defend my rights and how to barricade the voices. Oh those voices in my head. But I learned to be fluent and blazing brilliant. I tell myself to live for myself.
your shout was so deafening
Weight
Sadness rules us. Whether it is a lost lover or a bad rainy day. It was never an emotional state, but a feeling which infiltrates our minds. We wake up in the morning and get right back into reality. My bed still smells like you. 7 AM. We drag ourselves out of bed into the dark and cold world of judgement. We choose clothing that will never fit well or feel right and our hair will never work the way we want to. The coffee you like suddenly tastes bitter. Strangers look grumpy and the wind has turned to the wrong direction. Every bit of human contact annoys you. Staring at walls, book and windows makes it all so empty. Even eating becomes a task and walking up the stairs make you tired. Everything you have to do becomes impossible, and anything you have done becomes ‘not good enough.’ And we look up, we breath and we walk. We continue, that is all we can to. When the world starts weighing you down, you bend, you never break. But you wake up the next morning and do it all over again. Lift it up. Lift yourself up.
Number 200
I was overthinking
I couldn’t find a way to express my feelings,
There were exiting incidents and terrible tragedies,
And I started writing, line by line
Expressing my thoughts, one by one
Growing with clarity, step by step
I was writing about time past
and time future, within a world of speculation
But within thousands of words
we never found time present
Sentences full of doubt and abstraction
Writing the words on time present
had never been the barrier
It was realizing, that we had never known
It was scratchings in the table
and phonenumbers on the wall
It was photos ripped in half
and memo’s gone missing
It was dirty footsteps
and a screaming mind
It was holding hands
and always letting go
It was never sparkling and pretty
and still it was so intriguing
It was love and pain
and battle-scars on the field
It was empty cold beds
and broken bones
It was finally finding home
and leaving everything behind
It was never that easy
and we never were prepared
We will find our way,
Until then,
I am overthinking
I speak for what I am,
I am the overthinking
Advice from the person you used to be;
I hope you have accomplished everything you have ever dreamed of. I hope you are where you want to be. Maybe you dreamed of walking across all five continents. Maybe you wanted to live next to your grandparents. Maybe you dreamed of building a house in the middle mother nature’s landscape. I hope that you found love, whether it is from you friends of your lover. I hope you have taken every chance. I hope you have never let anyone run away from you. I hope you have chased your love in life. I hope that you found peace. I hope that you found yourself, and that you are being yourself. I hope you have put away all struggles of the past that you enjoy life with confidence. I hope that haven’t become exactly like your parents. I hope you followed their wise advice, but don’t let them decide everything. I hope that you find satisfaction in what you do. If you wanted to be a manager, I hope that you have succeeded. If you wanted to be a musician, I hope you still enjoy making music, despite your popularity. If you wanted to social worker or psychologist, I hope that helping others still makes you feel good. I just hope that you are happy. I hope that you have followed your dreams. You might have gave up, once, twice, as long as you stood up. As long as you have never put yourself down. I hope you have fought for what you want. I hope that determination brought you beautiful things. And god knows that life is hard, it has always been. And I hope you remember, that you have always survived it, and I hope you still do. I hope that you haven’t forget you can conquer your fears and survive sadness. I hope that time has taken away all of your grief. I hope that you memorize the person you used to be, and I hope that you are proud. Proud of who you became, and what you have accomplished. I am, I have always been. We can make it. We keep hope.
Unwanted messages pt 2
Are you online?
I need to talk to you
There is something I have to confess
I’m not quite okay
Haven’t been for a while actually
Where are you?
I need you.
The overthinking 