Miss you much.

Some days I’m completely fine and others -a complete mess. I miss you here to share all of my adventures. I wish you were here to share the memories I’ve made. I want you here to hold my hand as I continue to grow. I’ve grown so much and I’ve become a better me. If only you’d be here to see how happy I am. Dear god we have been through so much. We walked through hell and back and we made it. We are here, right now in this moment, and I wish you would be closer. Look at me, all I want is to make you proud.

A sunday.

I only pick daisies to let them wither in my back pocket, next to the winks and smiles from passerby’s. I’ve been waiting for a rainy autumn, but the days are still long and the parks crowded with lovers. I don’t blame them for watching the sunset. I wondered where my people were, the heartbreakers, the one-day-at-a-time, the reckless, the wilder ones. I wanted to be like them, even though I had always been at the wrong place at the wrong time. Maybe I was fooling myself, maybe I was lying to myself. Maybe all I ever needed was love, the sparks and the butterflies. You made me realize that. I thought I could never love someone so much it hurts, and it does and it aches and my body is built of rose petals. I’d be a hopeless fight to dismantle the fireworks you set off inside my head. I’d be hopeless to love you and here I am, counting the days with the butterflies in the park.

 

All.

I believe in soulmates as much as I believe that the planets speak to us.
That god gave us two-of-a-kinds and that the mercury retrograde affects us.
Cause we were put on this earth for a reason, to accompany the rest.
The morning rises and we roll out of bed.
You soulmate could be waiting for you on the balcony, to watch the day unfold.
For others, we hope to see that particular number pop up on your screen, for him or her to say all the words you wanted to hear. All you needed to know, and everything you both knew.

#88

I blamed you for being ‘too sweet’ and hoped we wouldn’t see each other again. Not a month has passed and your green eyes were fixated on me from the minute you saw me. I ended up being wrong and we smiled untill the stars came out to dance with us. 

28th of July

​ It rained. It rained the entire day and the entire evening. I’ve spent the last two weeks fighting against the warmth outside, it had been sunny the whole time. 

I’m sitting on the front porch listening how the rain pours and how the sky trembles. I’m baring my knees against the cold and my heart beats slow. There isn’t anybody out on the streets tonight, the light are dimmed. I’ve been waiting for this moment. To sit on the front porch and to be silent. I’m processing the grief of this day and how I still haven’t forgotten about her. At this point I don’t believe I ever will. The thought about her still makes me sad and still makes me want to cry. But I didn’t cry and I wasn’t sad. I sat listening to the rain in ease, in silence. She chose not to be here. It hurts, but just a little. It hurts until it doesn’t. 

It rained.