;

– ‘I take care of myself’

I threw a beer can next to the bin, I couldn’t stand up to go and get it. I locked my phone before he would reply. It would take at least an hour. I tried to get the knots out of my hair. I showered but didn’t wash it, I just let my skin burn.

He let me smoke his cigarettes until we both quit. Then the only thing we really did was have sex. He let me sleep over but I was gone by first daylight. We talked sometimes but I still don’t know his last name. He must have told, I must have forgotten it. I must not have cared enough.

I threw a beer can next to the bin, I couldn’t stand up to go and get it. My hand was still red from crushing the can, the color of love. I always loved the color grey, it wasn’t black nor white. It didn’t really matter, I didn’t really matter. I wasn’t special, I wasn’t extraordinary, I wasn’t ready to choose a side.

– ‘I am better off alone’