Category: Originals

I won’t

JosephineLeave a comment

I won’t tell you what I want to tell you. I won’t tell how I feel. I won’t tell you how to fucking live your life. I won’t tell you that you aren’t taking every chance. I won’t tell you that you are letting fear rule you. I won’t tell you that you that fear of commitment isn’t a real thing. I won’t tell you that it is actually fear of letting go, or being left. I won’t tell you that I’ll never fucking break your heart. I won’t have to, you never let me in. I won’t tell you that you can trust me, you won’t tell me anything. I won’t tell you that I know shit better. I won’t tell you that because I’m three years younger than you. I won’t be the one to tell you that you’re absolutely deadly gorgeous. I won’t scare the shit out of you. I won’t be the one to be there for you, even if you decide to need me. I won’t fucking wait around for you to change your mind. I won’t hold you at night when you are feeling lonely. I won’t tell you that there is more to life than smoking and drinking. I won’t tell you I think you’re lying. I won’t tell you you’re a fucking liar. I won’t tell you that you should have told the truth. I won’t be your girl. I won’t be the one to tell you everything you need to hear. I won’t be the one to help you. I won’t be the one to make you better. I won’t be the one that will love you forever. I won’t be the one. I will not

 

Saturday.

JosephineLeave a comment

When I approach her my knees are weak and my heart trembles. When I leave her behind in the last room it feels like I’m stabbing my own heart and feel like I’ve lost you. Every time we reunite I can’t help but hold on to your hand as if it was my infusion. I get dazed by the complicated paintings on the ceiling, but I could get completely lost in your eyes. Your pace is a bare moderate version of mine, and I thought we would always catch up. But now I’m standing here staring into the crowded room behind me. I swear you were there. I know you were. I stood there and waited. I stood there and tried to find you. The paintings can be breathtaking and the museum could be made of gold. But you were a collectors item, a special edition fineprint. But you were limited, and now you’re gone. 

Incomplete

JosephineLeave a comment

I feel incomplete, I keep on looking for answers. I feel indecisive, my mind is going round and round and never stops. I feel hesitant and doubtful, I can’t seem to be determined. I feel anxious, I’m scared and everything creeps upon me. I am missing protection, I miss a certain kind of warm safety. I know what is missing. It is joy. It is happiness. But mostly, fulfillment.

Moment

JosephineLeave a comment

You know me. You know you. You know how people work. We always want what we can’t have. We always want something bigger and better and it’s never going to be enough. We’re always striving for some sort of perfection, but we know it isn’t there. Still I have longings and desires to have just a mere part of that. Let something in this big dying world be perfect for a moment. Let me have this chance. Let me get to know you. Let me spend time with you on sundaymornings. Let me make you black coffee because I know you love it. Let me put my love and effort into something. Let me share everything that I feel. Let me have this moment. Let me have this moment with you.

We always want what we can’t have. The more you try to push me away, the more I want to be with you. Nothing you do or say is going to change that. I’m not giving up on our moment.

Unwanted messages pt 5

JosephineLeave a comment

I feel like I shouldn’t say this
I strongly believe it wouldn’t solve anything

If I may say,
You kissed me like I was the oxygen to your lungs
You held onto my body so heavily, like you never wanted to let go

I have seen you once, twice, and multiple times in my dreams

But there is no use in chasing those who keep their distance,
I’d be an endless race of falling and stumbling upon your own efforts

I’m sorry, I think I love you,
But I’m not consciously breaking my own heart
And I will never not but the blame on myself,
I was good enough,
I tried,

Yours truly,
Josephine

https://theoverthinking.com/2015/02/23/unwanted-messages/

Unwanted messages pt 2


https://theoverthinking.com/2015/03/16/unwanted-messages-pt-3/
https://theoverthinking.com/2015/04/18/unwanted-messages-pt-4/

Future

JosephineLeave a comment

I am always comparing my life to the life of others. I know that it is unfair and that you shouldn’t measure the worth of life to those of others. But I feel like I’m not even a proper opponent. I feel like I could never be close to equal. I depreciatingly look over the blurry horizon of what has been and what could have been.

unfair, unfair, unfair

Hurdles and burdens along the road, the endless roads of unexpected turns. If I could only be a little more patient. If only I wouldn’t assign for jobs before quitting the last. If only I could get a degree before assigning to other educations. If only I could get over my first lover before making promises to the fifth. If only I had time for all the things I wanted and needed to do. If only I would start living for today instead of the upcoming summer. If only I could start living instead of being lived by all of my restrictions.

If only time would pass,
I’d compare my life to my future