I don’t have your number anymore. I lost it along the way. I really did love you. I found everything I wanted, at that point in my life at least. But the summer turned into autumn. Months passed. And everything faded like the print of old piano sheets. Your voice turned into silent mumbling and your photo’s got lost from day to day. Your hands weren’t so soft and your touch so gently. But I wanted to tell you that.. I wanted to tell you that you meant so much to me. And I do not longer care and it hurts. It hurts to see times changes and looks are faced the other way. But it doesn’t even bother me. Not anymore
Tag: writing
Weight
Sadness rules us. Whether it is a lost lover or a bad rainy day. It was never an emotional state, but a feeling which infiltrates our minds. We wake up in the morning and get right back into reality. My bed still smells like you. 7 AM. We drag ourselves out of bed into the dark and cold world of judgement. We choose clothing that will never fit well or feel right and our hair will never work the way we want to. The coffee you like suddenly tastes bitter. Strangers look grumpy and the wind has turned to the wrong direction. Every bit of human contact annoys you. Staring at walls, book and windows makes it all so empty. Even eating becomes a task and walking up the stairs make you tired. Everything you have to do becomes impossible, and anything you have done becomes ‘not good enough.’ And we look up, we breath and we walk. We continue, that is all we can to. When the world starts weighing you down, you bend, you never break. But you wake up the next morning and do it all over again. Lift it up. Lift yourself up.
Number 200
I was overthinking
I couldn’t find a way to express my feelings,
There were exiting incidents and terrible tragedies,
And I started writing, line by line
Expressing my thoughts, one by one
Growing with clarity, step by step
I was writing about time past
and time future, within a world of speculation
But within thousands of words
we never found time present
Sentences full of doubt and abstraction
Writing the words on time present
had never been the barrier
It was realizing, that we had never known
It was scratchings in the table
and phonenumbers on the wall
It was photos ripped in half
and memo’s gone missing
It was dirty footsteps
and a screaming mind
It was holding hands
and always letting go
It was never sparkling and pretty
and still it was so intriguing
It was love and pain
and battle-scars on the field
It was empty cold beds
and broken bones
It was finally finding home
and leaving everything behind
It was never that easy
and we never were prepared
We will find our way,
Until then,
I am overthinking
I speak for what I am,
I am the overthinking
Advice from the person you used to be;
I hope you have accomplished everything you have ever dreamed of. I hope you are where you want to be. Maybe you dreamed of walking across all five continents. Maybe you wanted to live next to your grandparents. Maybe you dreamed of building a house in the middle mother nature’s landscape. I hope that you found love, whether it is from you friends of your lover. I hope you have taken every chance. I hope you have never let anyone run away from you. I hope you have chased your love in life. I hope that you found peace. I hope that you found yourself, and that you are being yourself. I hope you have put away all struggles of the past that you enjoy life with confidence. I hope that haven’t become exactly like your parents. I hope you followed their wise advice, but don’t let them decide everything. I hope that you find satisfaction in what you do. If you wanted to be a manager, I hope that you have succeeded. If you wanted to be a musician, I hope you still enjoy making music, despite your popularity. If you wanted to social worker or psychologist, I hope that helping others still makes you feel good. I just hope that you are happy. I hope that you have followed your dreams. You might have gave up, once, twice, as long as you stood up. As long as you have never put yourself down. I hope you have fought for what you want. I hope that determination brought you beautiful things. And god knows that life is hard, it has always been. And I hope you remember, that you have always survived it, and I hope you still do. I hope that you haven’t forget you can conquer your fears and survive sadness. I hope that time has taken away all of your grief. I hope that you memorize the person you used to be, and I hope that you are proud. Proud of who you became, and what you have accomplished. I am, I have always been. We can make it. We keep hope.
The overthinking 