I dreamed that I saw you. I dreamed that you saw me. But those were only dreams, and we never saw each other again.
Tag: poetry
You and me
It was going to be you and me. It might have supposed to be a you and me. But you were to caught up in the misery of past relationships. You havent healed in any way and you were so distant. I don’t love you, not anymore, I don’t think I ever truly have. I liked the idea of you and me, but now it is just me. I can’t possibly dream of anything better. So for now I’m going to live and listen to my music to loudly. And I’ll stop being miserable about someone I don’t deserve.
They all..
They all wondered and questioned what I was doing.
When I was at school they asked me why I drew roses in my notebooks.
When I wasn’t at school they asked me if I was sick.
When I told them I wasn’t sick they asked me what was going on.
When I told them I was really emotional they asked me why.
When I showed them a photo of a girl they didn’t understand.
When they asked me why I drank red wine I told them they should try it.
When they refused they asked me why I drank another glass.
When I didn’t give them a reason they asked me why I behaved so reckless.
When I asked about their definition of reckless they didn’t answer.
When I booked a ticket to an unfamiliar destination they asked me why.
When I told them I wanted to travel they asked me how I got the money.
When I told them that money wasn’t the issue they said it was an issue.
When I told them experience had more value they didn’t get it.
When I cheated on my boyfriend they all asked me why.
When I said that I didn’t love him they asked me why I was in a relationship.
When I said that I wasn’t anymore they said they felt sorry for him.
When I said I had done the right thing they didn’t agree.
They all wondered and questioned what I was doing.
They still do.
#76
I had to learn how to be alone. I had to learn how to live without you. I had to find enough strength to live an entire day without being lonely. I had learned what it takes not to feel lonely. I had to learn how to be complete without needing others, without needing you.
#75
She was the goddamned vastness beneath me and when she left she tore the ground beneath my feet away, I fell upon which was once the carpetfloor
‘that boy from school’
I always sat at the back of the classroom, so I could see everybody around me. He didn’t. He ran into the classroom every morning and took a seat at the front, usually the last empty seat. I saw it all happening, day after day. Some days he didn’t show up, but it was usually me who caused the empty seat. I didn’t spend much time at school. I had always been busy playing outside with the demons in my head. I’d rather search for something that would fill this hole within me. I stayed up late and woke early. I would take the bus home and beyond, I wandered streets of cities where I shouldn’t have been. He didn’t know, but he found out. He wondered where I had been, why I cut my hair and where my sister went. He asked me if I had ever regretted the choices I made, but I never did. Life was an endless ride of more and dangerous adventures. Try to live a little. Don’t show up late but don’t show up at all. Go for it, I know you’d be good at it.
‘that boy from school’ made me realize I wasn’t mad, just madly and awfully honest.
I choose love.
‘You don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world.. but you do have some say in who hurts you.’
And I choose her. I didn’t even think twice, I choose her. I didn’t feel the need to question my choices, I never made rational choices, I simply decided. And so she did hurt me, and I gave her every right to. I let her in, I let her run into my arms. I let her touch my lips and let her breathe onto my bare skin. I never doubted anything, I’m all in or I’m all out. I will always give love a chance, because you can not fight it. Love made me smile for a month. Love made me giggle and stare into my screen for nights. And love made me cry, love made me question my existence without her. Love made my heart heavy with everything that reminded me of her. Love made me sad for a few weeks and dreadfully nostalgic for the months afterwards. I choose love and I chose her to hurt me. She held my heart and I was totally entitled to the way she sang my name. But she let go and now I mumble soothing words before I go to sleep. I was foolish, but I was madly in love with the one I choose, with her.
The overthinking 