Number 200

I was overthinking

I couldn’t find a way to express my feelings,
There were exiting incidents and terrible tragedies,
And I started writing, line by line
Expressing my thoughts, one by one
Growing with clarity, step by step
I was writing about time past
and time future, within a world of speculation
But within thousands of words
we never found time present
Sentences full of doubt and abstraction
Writing the words on time present
had never been the barrier
It was realizing, that we had never known
It was scratchings in the table
and phonenumbers on the wall
It was photos ripped in half
and memo’s gone missing
It was dirty footsteps
and a screaming mind
It was holding hands
and always letting go
It was never sparkling and pretty
and still it was so intriguing
It was love and pain
and battle-scars on the field
It was empty cold beds
and broken bones
It was finally finding home
and leaving everything behind
It was never that easy
and we never were prepared
We will find our way,
Until then,

I am overthinking
I speak for what I am,
I am the overthinking

Advice from the person you used to be;

I hope you have accomplished everything you have ever dreamed of. I hope you are where you want to be. Maybe you dreamed of walking across all five continents. Maybe you wanted to live next to your grandparents. Maybe you dreamed of building a house in the middle mother nature’s landscape. I hope that you found love, whether it is from you friends of your lover. I hope you have taken every chance. I hope you have never let anyone run away from you. I hope you have chased your love in life. I hope that you found peace. I hope that you found yourself, and that you are being yourself. I hope you have put away all struggles of the past that you enjoy life with confidence. I hope that haven’t become exactly like your parents. I hope you followed their wise advice, but don’t let them decide everything. I hope that you find satisfaction in what you do. If you wanted to be a manager, I hope that you have succeeded. If you wanted to be a musician, I hope you still enjoy making music, despite your popularity. If you wanted to social worker or psychologist, I hope that helping others still makes you feel good. I just hope that you are happy. I hope that you have followed your dreams. You might have gave up, once, twice, as long as you stood up. As long as you have never put yourself down. I hope you have fought for what you want. I hope that determination brought you beautiful things. And god knows that life is hard, it has always been. And I hope you remember, that you have always survived it, and I hope you still do. I hope that you haven’t forget you can conquer your fears and survive sadness. I hope that time has taken away all of your grief. I hope that you memorize the person you used to be, and I hope that you are proud. Proud of who you became, and what you have accomplished. I am, I have always been. We can make it. We keep hope. 

everything you say

MAYBE IT IS JUST THE WAY YOU MAKE ME FEEL
OR ALL THESE WORDS THAT YOU SAID TO ME
ABOUT HOW PROUD YOU ARE AND THAT YOU
LIKE MY WRITINGS IN THE EARLY MORNING

MAYBE ITS THE FACT THAT I LOOK FOR YOU
IN EVERY CROWDED PLACE AND THAT I
LONG TO TALK TO YOU FOR HOURS AND THAT I
LIKE THAT YOU DRINK YOU COFFEE BLACK

MAYBE I DO LOVE YOU

but maybe I wish I didn’t

maybe you’re just a cloud
in this endless daydream