It feels as if nothing really matters anymore, all these moments I can’t share with you. It just sucks, knowing you’re out there, but you stopped listening to me long ago.
‘But she was so pretty and I’m never going to see her again’
And he was like no other, he had watermelon cheeks from the paradise written upon his skin. The worlds flowed from his lips into the room as if he was born with Gods vocabulary. He looked at me, he observed me as if I was a formula he needed to remember. When I looked back he didn’t flinch, the world was upon his feet and he’d never be bothered. He tucked his hair behind his ear with his porcelain hands. Hands who held pencils for hours to draw lines with the perfection of ice crystals. With the policy of polite placement he filled all the grooves with the black pencil he held, he held it in his porcelain hands. They were easy to break, he was easy to break, never socialize with the gracious, they will put the magenta in your eyes and their art in your heart.
I hope that in a year from now I will write about ‘how I finally understand’, but honestly I don’t think I ever fucking will understand why you left.
Somewhere ahead of us, is a day, a certain pinpoint, where I won’t think of you, negative of positive. I can not know when that will be, because at the moment my name is a series of past lovers who are written all over my identity.
My writings have made people cry and have scared people to the bone.
That is why I’m more likely to end with – anonymous, and when people ask me what’s in that black moleskine book I say ‘nothing’ and hope they forget about it.
I was told – pt 2
We all know the empty space left in our beds feels like a black hole. But maybe there are galaxies on the other side, and maybe you will find peace with the fact that she left if you roll over. What if she wanted you to have more space to be free and to expand your dreamworld. If anything she never wanted you to feel like this. You were good enough and you deserve to be happy. Stop beating yourself up for all the little things that you might have done wrong, or all the words that you never said to her. You cant blame yourself for her decision, even when she admits to be wrong. I was told to never chase a girl, so you should let her run. Try to accept that she will not come back to you, and no nothing will ever be the same. And frozen days will be harsh without her presence in the cold wintermornings, and even this spring you’ll realize that you are still a bit lost. But time will pass and lonely mornings will end and this summer you will learn to be free again. I was told to always fight for love. Dont fight for a runner, fight for keeper. Fight for loving yourself again.