We all know the empty space left in our beds feels like a black hole. But maybe there are galaxies on the other side, and maybe you will find peace with the fact that she left if you roll over. What if she wanted you to have more space to be free and to expand your dreamworld. If anything she never wanted you to feel like this. You were good enough and you deserve to be happy. Stop beating yourself up for all the little things that you might have done wrong, or all the words that you never said to her. You cant blame yourself for her decision, even when she admits to be wrong. I was told to never chase a girl, so you should let her run. Try to accept that she will not come back to you, and no nothing will ever be the same. And frozen days will be harsh without her presence in the cold wintermornings, and even this spring you’ll realize that you are still a bit lost. But time will pass and lonely mornings will end and this summer you will learn to be free again. I was told to always fight for love. Dont fight for a runner, fight for keeper. Fight for loving yourself again.
Tag: english
He showed me love
I was back. I came back to be the person I wanted to be. And you were waiting for me like nothing had happened. We had drifted apart and clutched onto each other, but it was never harsh. We had never spoke, we had never blamed each other for leaving.
After I came back you still drank red wine, while I was still drinking white wine. We laughed and acknowledged the silence. I couldn’t find you house because it didn’t feel like home to me. I knew where I belonged. You held me in your arms and you touched me like the day that we first met.
We sat in the first winter cold and I dangled my shoes back and forth. You stared at yourself in the reflection of the backdoor. Your friends asked you about my presence, but you denied. You denied because we weren’t different with or without each other. We would always drink from our own bottle and come back to sit in the winter cold.
blondie pt 2.
#69
You asked me why I loved her and I asked you why you didn’t
‘fine’
I thought that it would be ‘fine’, or at least ‘okay’, but it wasn’t ‘fine’ nor ‘okay’, it was fucking terrible. It was this aching and persistent pain which I couldn’t get a hold of. It was the kind of heart break that leaves you wondering.. why why why why. And you’ll never get an honest answer so you begin blaming yourself. And when you begin blaming yourself you’re starting to realize that it wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t my fault that she decided to leave. I was never the one to blame for the fact that we’re not speaking to each other anymore. I tried, I tried my best to make things work. I tried to give her space, I respected her feelings and her fears. But what I didn’t respect was the fact that I was never given a chance. She knew. She knew after all that it wouldn’t last longer than three weeks. Because she would give up and walk away. She would do anything to protect herself from being hurt again. She would rather keep her guards than to accept my love for her. Because I had so many stories about the stars in her eyes, but they dimmed on a cloudy evening. Because I had so many things I wanted to show her, but now I look for her in every crowded room. Because I had so many words I wanted to give to her, and now I spill them like red wine on a tablecloth.
Moment
You know me. You know you. You know how people work. We always want what we can’t have. We always want something bigger and better and it’s never going to be enough. We’re always striving for some sort of perfection, but we know it isn’t there. Still I have longings and desires to have just a mere part of that. Let something in this big dying world be perfect for a moment. Let me have this chance. Let me get to know you. Let me spend time with you on sundaymornings. Let me make you black coffee because I know you love it. Let me put my love and effort into something. Let me share everything that I feel. Let me have this moment. Let me have this moment with you.
We always want what we can’t have. The more you try to push me away, the more I want to be with you. Nothing you do or say is going to change that. I’m not giving up on our moment.
– words
I’ve seen riverbeds and lake sunsets in your eyes.
It looks like someone caught the sunlight in your hair,
you move with the slightest effort.
And when you look back, and you glance, it seems like everything seems to stop for a brief moment.
What I’m trying to tell you is that beautiful wouldn’t suit you.
You have loved and been loved by god, and there are angels locked in your ribcage
– words I shouldn’t make public
I
I don’t know where I am going. I don’t know what I am trying to write. I know that I’m a mess and that my coffee isn’t warm anymore. My hair lost his golden glance and my body has disappeared in layers of comfort. The ridges of my hands are clean and my eyelashes are curled again. I recall myself walking head down through the school hallways yesterday. I never used to be that way.
I don’t know where I am going. I don’t know where I lost it. Maybe it was on that mountaintop, where I turned 360 degrees into the wild. Maybe it was that drunk night when I fell asleep in my own dream. Maybe it was that bright morning which made me feel extremely happy. Maybe it was that afternoon when I watched the sunset without blinking. Maybe it was that day that I lost myself in all astonishment about life.
I don’t know where I am going. I feel like standing in the middle of a busy trainstation. People flashing left and right. People I haven’t met and people I might have met. And they might have a destination, some may not. We’re all trying to follow our heart. We’re all doubting which train to take and were to stop. Which is a metaphor for life, you never know where to start, and where to end.
I don’t know where I am going.
As long as I move forward.
The overthinking 