Future

JosephineLeave a comment

I am always comparing my life to the life of others. I know that it is unfair and that you shouldn’t measure the worth of life to those of others. But I feel like I’m not even a proper opponent. I feel like I could never be close to equal. I depreciatingly look over the blurry horizon of what has been and what could have been.

unfair, unfair, unfair

Hurdles and burdens along the road, the endless roads of unexpected turns. If I could only be a little more patient. If only I wouldn’t assign for jobs before quitting the last. If only I could get a degree before assigning to other educations. If only I could get over my first lover before making promises to the fifth. If only I had time for all the things I wanted and needed to do. If only I would start living for today instead of the upcoming summer. If only I could start living instead of being lived by all of my restrictions.

If only time would pass,
I’d compare my life to my future

Foolish

JosephineLeave a comment

Left, right, left, temptation, right, left, pauze, 
And nothing in me was strong enough to resist,
And I glanced over my left shoulder,
to grin at the fading image of you,
Left, right, don’t trip, left, look in front of you,
So I smiled at the vast ground beneath me,
slightly shaking my head,
of amazement of the idealistic moment,
this marvelous event that occured,
on this ordinary Wednesday,
Right, left, front yard, right, left, doorstep
Foolish enough to imagine,
that you leaving would pause,
the astounding awareness that,
everything I owned was entirely,
captivated into the depths or your eyes

 

 

 

 

Desolate

JosephineLeave a comment

I’d like to say that it is nothing. But I can feel this vapor layer in de ridges of my eyes. The feeling aches within my hollow chest. Seconds pass without blinking, more seconds pass without breathing. I stare silently into this maze of unraveling emotions. This grieving nostalgic feeling hangs between my ribs and with every breath it sets itself free. It has the utmost power to break the joy of my face.

I have known home and I have known what commitment means. But after all these years I have lost this knowledge of fulfillment.

I realized how my eyes filled themselves with tears.
You can’t fight something you have always known.
You can only decide how much they desolate you.

I wish

JosephineLeave a comment

I wish someone would love me. I wish someone saw something more than trouble in my story. I wish someone took a chance because not everything is as it seems. I wish someone wouldn’t discourage my ruthless actions but would join me. I wish someone would accept the fact that we won’t always be together. I wish someone was there for me the way I needed them to. I wish someone would hold my hand in the dark. I wish someone would sing along with my favorite songs. I wish someone would take me to parties and share drinks. I wish for so many things, for someone to experience life with.

I wish that I’d love myself more.
I do, but I wish it was enough.