fort

lief kom uit je
diepste dromen gekropen
kom bij mij liggen
met hand en hart open

laten we onder de lakens liggen
tot de zon hoger staat
laten we nergens heen hoeven
want we zijn toch al te laat

laat mij broodjes met boter
naar ons fort dragen want
daar zijn onze dromen groter
dan in het echte leven

droom met mij tot de lente aanbreekt

happy birthday

And I hope I get to be there
when you finish another year
and I hope I get to be there
if you make it one more

And I pray to the clouds
for rainy days in the summer
and I pray to the clouds
cause you like them best

Let me guide you over the peaks
of your dark and lowest days
and let me guide you over the peaks
that you find hard to climb

Let me wish for more wishes
cause we took some for granted
and let me wish for more wishes
cause they belong in our daydream

And I wish and I guide
and I hope
that we can be
everything
for many years
to come

ze vroeg het en ik zei ja

En ik zei tegen mensen
dat je meer tijd nodig had
en dat het vanzelf zou komen
maar dat was voornamelijk
omdat het dan voor mij
nog niet voelde alsof dit
het begin van het einde was
want zolang je nog niet
echt de mijne was
kon ik niet schrijven
over hoeveel ik van je hield

;

– ‘I take care of myself’

I threw a beer can next to the bin, I couldn’t stand up to go and get it. I locked my phone before he would reply. It would take at least an hour. I tried to get the knots out of my hair. I showered but didn’t wash it, I just let my skin burn.

He let me smoke his cigarettes until we both quit. Then the only thing we really did was have sex. He let me sleep over but I was gone by first daylight. We talked sometimes but I still don’t know his last name. He must have told, I must have forgotten it. I must not have cared enough.

I threw a beer can next to the bin, I couldn’t stand up to go and get it. My hand was still red from crushing the can, the color of love. I always loved the color grey, it wasn’t black nor white. It didn’t really matter, I didn’t really matter. I wasn’t special, I wasn’t extraordinary, I wasn’t ready to choose a side.

– ‘I am better off alone’