a monument of love.

dad, I think about you too. you are there in every rustle in the trees, in the crates of fresh fruits, the first sip of coffee in the morning, in needing not much, in simple moments, in being free on the road.

mom, it is always nice to hear your voice. you are there the smalltalk with strangers, in the signatures of painters, in the keepsake I carry, in every flowerbed, in doing it despite, in carrying on.

there is a remembrance, always. my heart is full and I can close my eyes, the sun on my face. I am me, always a daughter, always set free, a monument of love, a city of dreams.



and I don’t even know why I worry. I can’t explain the doubts – they’re mine, cause you don’t make me question this. it might be love. it is lovely and you’re loving and I feel loved. it is all so unusual and still you feel like home.

I wonder /

I wonder / if we will meet again / where you are when I think about you / why you didn’t love me / , do you think about me still / if you know that I still do / would I want to know to answer / where we went wrong / if we would have been happy / why you didn’t try / if you regret it / if you know that I could forgive you / why I still hope to forgive you / , foolishly / and it’s all I have left of you.


we blijven elkaar weer ontmoeten, januari. ik heb pen en papier en waar één deur sluit, opent een andere, maar er staan teveel deuren open en het is te koud. mijn dromen doorweken. witte vlokken in het raamkozijn. ik hoop ieder jaar weer dat het ander is maar de leegte is terug. kauwend op mijn pen wacht ik tot het weer licht wordt. januari, ik ben vergeten hoe ik moet schrijven en wil tegen mijn vrienden zeggen dat het goed komt.


darling, we will laugh and we will cry. there are days to get through. some a given, some a burden. there will be happy tears and other won’t be happy. some remind us that we overflow in order to find our way again. 

there’s a couple things I’ve learned;

1. going home doesn’t necessarily have to feel as if you’re going home.
2. you won’t feel your fingers at times
3. it will feel unfinished but going back won’t solve it and you’ll have to accept that.
4. people will surprise you in good ways
5. not everybody will understand but the ones who do make up for it
6. if someone holds me for too long I will probably cry
7. you’ll finish the book you’ve brought to every sunset and that ending will feel very good for a change
8. you keep saying you don’t have enough savings but you will spend money on a trip anyways.
9. love will return to you in unfamiliar ways