I don’t know why I am so overwhelmingly sad. I could be happy, I have so many reasons to be happy. Yet there is a cloud of negativity living inside of my brains. A thunderstorm and I cannot find peace, I can’t find rest at night. I lay awake like I always did. Wondering what makes me so doubtful, wondering why I have a hard time smiling. I live with the demons of my past and in the shadow of the future. I feel no use in talking to strangers, I feel nu use in talking to my parents. They gave up years ago, they lost their child in another world. I feel no use in talking to my friends, we are busy enough. I don’t see myself as a lonely person. But I feel use in being by myself. I feel use in walking at night, in watching the sunset, wondering the streets. I try to find an explanation for the way I feel. I have been trying for years. But no I won’t give up. I will explain to you one day why it took me so long. One day I will love you as much as you love me. And one day I will join conversations about the future. It is the last day of august. I don’t know why I am so overwhelmingly sad. I am waiting for you to come home.